Shame.

shattered and incoherent, the girl stumbled forward into a place she wasn't actually at as her head spun high above the clouds far up and away from the ants she stared down at

on the ground the ants had large crushing mandibles, spindling grotesqueness and piercing black eyes impaling everything they glanced at, coming by the masses to pick and pull and tear the girl into pieces that they kept and fed on, just being another piece of meat to serrate and dismember into bloody bits

up above the clouds she held her magnifying glass not to look back down at them, but to pierce the veil with a ray of menace to incinerate all of them, to watch them burn and shrivel and curl up, scattering frantically with no semblance of unity when they finally realise indignation is on their doorstep, capable of killing, murdering every last one of them

but she was not up there, and her head was so high that it didn't want to come down because there wasn't much left for the gibbering mouthers to take

which was the important question she had to ask herself

“why am i up here, there is nothing left for me down there”

a maniacal shimmering the masses reflected from the ground floor blinded her, and her head began spiraling back down to the earth, to fall back into the twisted amalgamation of leaky fluids and gaping holes she had to claim as her vessel, her body to transcend through the laughing, cruel psychosis, the divine prank this life set up for her

the wind bellowed under her, her perfect wedding dress resisting the fall and reaching up for something to grab onto with no avail

the mighty sun, the bringer of life, the grandiose incinerator shot upwards higher and further from her reach as the earth rushed to catch her, to feed the rest of her to the ants clamping their gaping maws open and shut in anticipation

this is not real, this is not happening.

“when you hit the ground, this reverie will end and you will back into the hole made for you, with others ready and willing to bury you.”

“...does this really have to happen, isn't there some other shambling mess i can take residence in?” the girl asked

as she turned away from the rolling sky a festering mound of flesh looked back at her, eyes hollowed out, mouth closed and drool dried like dirty water left running

legs splayed apart with vulgarity trickling out, eager to creep out of the hollow vessel, to vacate the emptiness it was placed into against her will and become nothing more than a crawling infestation onto the carpet it seeped into

twisting, twitching, ready and primed for suicide

the smiling love the corpse desperately clung to in its final moments ripped from her hands, sticky severed fingers still clinging to it as blood painted the trail it was dragged away on

all in the name of somebody else who probably won't notice.

___

She breathed, and convulsions trembled as Remilia's heart creaked back to life as the evening sun hung over the storage shed she was dragged into. Every breath an ordeal, her crushed chest strained to reach upwards with every inhale and exhale. The weight of her clothes were nowhere to be felt, her white polyester blouse torn down the middle as it rested on her shoulders and spilled onto the floor. Her eyes slowly and desperately pulled some light back into themselves to glance around. Her neck was the part of her body that ached the least, the gaping anomalies between her legs being parts that ached the most. Her voice was trying to claw its way out of her throat, but it continued to slip back down. She tried to throw her head up off the floor, hoping it would carry the rest of herself with it to no avail. She rolled to her side onto her stomach, her bare delicate breasts pressed against the cold jagged concrete floor. Her palms pushed the Earth away and attempted to force herself up as her arms shook violently. After a few minutes of struggle, she made her way into a sitting position and slumped against a wall of the shed. Her stockings were torn, exposing her once-pale knees that turned pink and raw. Her entire self felt empty, with a continuous pressure that got stronger the lower it went down her shivering body. She rubbed the dried crust from her mouth, a flat expression that hung underneath her bruised and pretty face. She was nothing more than a mannequin that had dirt smeared onto its face.

And as time was lost to her, she just laid slumped against the wall. The only sound to keep her company was her strained breathing. The only thing she could bare to look and pay attention to was the light creeping its way across the wall.

“......this is happening.” a stifled, dry voice spit out. A coughing fit crept in and Remilia hung over in agony. She slumped onto her side, and soon onto all fours as a viscous grip on her stomach crept its way upwards and she began to throw up. She almost fell over, yet careful enough not to fall in bile she just expunged. The purge left her there. The only thing left in her were tremors. Her legs brought her up. He hesitantly attempted to walk, but a single emaciated leg was not enough to support the girl. She fell forward and padded the fall with her right arm, grinding itself open against the floor. The discolored bruises that coated her forearms and wrists were checkered with red dots climbing out of her pores. Her teeth gritted and hinted at a buckle of composure, but the anger quickly left her face as the lifelessness retook residence. She made her way to her feet and stood as the room drifted back and forth. A draft beneath her skirt and the slight subsiding ache made her realize her panties were missing, as did the chipping off of sweat and miscellaneous fluid being shaken back to life and creeping down her legs. The door seemed far away. It wasn't. She was at a wild west stand-off with it, though the reason was she simply couldn't bring herself to try and walk again. She did not know what was outside, and what happened in the shed was being left to unlock the door.

___

and staring back out there, the bloody imprint the girl's impact made onto the floor as she came crashing back down

her head turned to look, enough to break her neck

all of the people, the endless hordes had black paint splashed across their faces, giant x's blotting out the crowds as all of them were nothing more than self-contained messes

unconcerned with the localized disasters each of them withstood that none of them had anything to do with

because everyone carries problems, this is not different, this is not worth everyone else to impede on

take the brush and paint yourself out like everyone else

bleed into this congealed mass, selfish, seeking to look away or to pacify others for nothing more than a moment's peace

and always remember to smile, even if you don't mean it

lies are the make-up that keep people from seeing how ugly of a person you are

twist and mangle this ribbon until it can't be recognized anymore, until it's the only knot that's holding all of this together

it's a lot easier than shame