Gifted And Talented Education.

When I was in school, I was in a program called G.A.T.E. For those of you who don't know, it was for students who were Gifted And Talented in Education. So right, how did the kid with a GPA teetering anywhere between zero and 2.50 get into the special club for nerds? And Hell, who would want to be in it? High School is a tough time for kids, and know they'll drift into the groups for the cutters and the D&D nerds and the jocks and the ugly kids, but G.A.T.E. was the cream of the socially-retarded crop. Huh, maybe that might explain it.

This wasn't a club for smart kids. It was for kids with high GPAs, but any idiot could tell you that GPA doesn't show how smart you are. It might show you have a good work ethic, but these kids were the furthest things from smart that you could imagine. A lot of them were ugly, too. Oh Christ, that was something. Granted I was pretty ugly in High School, some of these kids looked disgusting enough to make me of all people reevaluate my self-image and go "Well, it could be worse. I could've been mauled by a dog." As my girlfriend lovingly put it, she believed the acronym actually stood for Generating Abstinence Throughout Education. I think this might've explained why it took so long for us to eventually have sex, but that's another story for another time.

There was only one real, legitimate reason to stay in this club. On the last month of school, we would get to go to Great America for free. All day. We would miss an entire day of school to have a "largely" all expenses paid trip to a theme park. I never understood it, honestly. Why would you take a bunch of pale greasy kids who wasted most of the semester locked in their rooms grinding away at homework to an amusement park? Have they even seen one? I don't think they would have televisions in their households, and the internet wasn't completely ingrained into our culture at this point so fuck all if that made any sense. How did that conversation go?

"So staff, how are we going to reward these kids?"
"Well Mr. Leland, all these kids are nerds right?"
"Yeah pretty much."
"So they probably are out-of-shape and sickly, right?"
"Oh absolutely. Especially that 'Steve' kid before Lucas put him in the hospital."
"Let's take them to a place that will completely exploit their weak physical constitutions. I'm thinking a theme park."
"Hmm..."
"And they're pasty and white from being indoors all day studying, right? The June sun will burn them good."
"That might work, although I think Charles Finnegan might be pale because he's an albino."
"Either way, these losers need some excitement in their lives, so it's perfect."
"Agreed. TO GREAT AMERICA!"

Not that I was complaining. Granted I was pasty and out of shape and sickly and had a weak physical constitution, I knew how to handle amusement park rides. I didn't know if Amelia could, though. Oh right, there was a spare ticket since a student couldn't make it at the last moment. A kid by the name of Peter Williams tried killing himself after walking in on his whore of a sister being mercilessly fucked by an eighth grade midget who would eventually die in a tragic pizzeria accident. But right, Ami came from a poor family and thus had never been to an amusement park. Some kids usually take their parents. My dad was working a lot and my mother was tending to the home's supply of liquor so that was out of the question. Mr. Leland let the girl come along, and this made for a rather entertaining experience.

Now since my family was poor and my dad didn't give me any money, my brother entrusted me with twenty dollars for this entire trip. That's not a lot of money since an 8-oz. can of soda from an amusement park cost a liter's worth of blood from your firstborn child since they apparently have to distill it and mine for the aluminum there at the food stand. And all be it, it got stolen when I got there. When I got off the bus, a few feet and I noticed I didn't feel the bill in my pocket.

"Well... that doesn't bode well."
"Hmm?" my girlfriend's very fickle attention span was caught.
"I don't think that twenty's in my pocket anymore." I said.
"...Are you serious?" Her voice sounded exasperated.
"Uh... heh heh... whoops?"
"...You idiot."

Yet right behind us, Sam Falker and his ugly friends were marveling at the 20-dollar bill they said one of the kids dropped. They had to be idiots. They had to have heard that conversation I just had. Sam Falker was actually a football player, and generally a bastard. He got good grades, but he was as dumb as a post.

"Hey, can we get that back?" I asked.
"Get what back?" he didn't hear a damn thing my girlfriend and I were discussing.
"I dropped that."
"Like hell you did." He got defensive.
"Does it have a tear in the right corner of the bill?" I asked.
"Uh..." he quickly looked at it with his big dumb eyes. "Yeah, why?"
"I know that because it's mine."
"Bullshit, you just saw it. I just pulled this out of my pocket." Now he was lying.
"You just said you found a twenty that one of the dumbass students dropped." my girlfriend interjected.
"No I didn't."
"You clearly did." I said. My voice was getting a bit rough as I spoke.
"Shut the fuck up and piss off." he belched out. What a stubborn mule. But he was a mule, and I was a malnourished boy. He would kick my ass if I provoked him any further. I left defeated and hungry as my girlfriend's snide sharp remarks cut into me for most of the day.

Of course I got to hear her shut up after I took her on her first ride ever, which happened to be the Grizzly. I don't know if you people know what the Grizzly is. The Grizzly is an entire roller coaster made out of wood and nails and other primitive tools of the trade. This ride could've been built in the middle ages, and it might've been. The first ride your girlfriend goes on should not be the most rickety coaster in the entire park where you're fearing death at every turn from the thing violently shaking itself apart. My girlfriend was a borderline mute, but I honestly had no idea she could scream that loud. I heard car alarms that were quieter than this girl. And after all of it was said and done she said "DON'T YOU EVER TAKE ME ON ANOTHER RIDE LIKE THAT AGAIN, THAT WAS BULLSHIT! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FUCKING DIE!" And after that yelling not a peep out of the bitch for the rest of the day.

Eventually Mr. Leland saw me hungry and poor and asked what was wrong.

"A shame everyone couldn't come, huh?" he asked me.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Like Steve."
"Don't bring up Steve, Mr. Leland."
"Or Peter."
"He's kind of a pussy, Mr. Leland."
"Or Charles Finnegan."
"Yeah, a shame about the gasoline fire."
"He was a good kid.
"Yeah he was, Mr. Leland."

Eventually I brought up how I lost the 20 I brought with me, and the man handed me a bill and told me to get something to eat. The man's generosity to this day remains in my mind. Amelia had the energy to start talking again after she managed to ingest half of a large pizza that cost every penny we had, while her sweet-talking managed to get us a single soda to share. The girl must've lost about 5 pounds from all the screaming she did. Things were good again, then I took her on Drop Zone and then she screamed some more and then threw up, and then slapped me for ever suggesting that ride in the first place. Not my fault she ate a shitload of pizza beforehand. She may be an idiot, but at least she's my idiot. Eventually the sun was beginning to set so it was time to go home. But some unfinished business remained.

My girlfriend and I managed to convince Sam Falkner's longtime girlfriend that he was cheating on her. Why did we do this? Revenge is a ghost, and that meant my girlfriend was some kind of malicious banshee out for blood. Sam and his girlfriend got into a fight and eventually broke up. The beauty behind it was by sheer stroke of luck the dumb son of a bitch actually was cheating on her. He suspected it was us, but he couldn't prove a fucking thing. Ami and I laughed our asses off at the entire ordeal. We managed to destroy a relationship that lasted nearly two years over twenty dollars.

That makes us petty, but at least those fuckers know we're smarter than they are.