Rustic showmanship.

As a man, I believe I have a constitutional right to beat the living Hell out of anybody as long as they have it coming. Whether it be man or woman, black or white, adult for adolescent, sometimes a person just needs a good smack in the jaw. And I think this is certainly what our forefathers had in mind when writing the constitution for our wonderful country back in the days when wife-beating and instilling Christianity into oppressed minorities weren't just friendly alternatives to meeting new people, they were traditions. I mean, they were pretty one-sided back then when they wrote the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence; there were always exceptions to the statements and rules in there, just look at the fine print.

"We hold these Truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.*

* - Unless you're a woman or a nigger."

American men retained ownership of their wives after defecting from Great Britain unless they were otherwise paid a settlement to allow Britain to have property rights. AND IT WORKED. What happened to the glory days of early America when somebody was able to sock his wife for mouthing off while he goes to the slaves' rooms and starts getting some jungle action? You call it racist and sexist NOW, but back then if you didn't do it, people would find you possessing human empathy and we'd have you burned for witchcraft.

"So Johnathon, did you rape your slaves today?"
"No Jebediah, I frankly think it's disgusting and wrong."
"Well your wife must be busy then."
"What, why?"
"Don't you vent your anger and tension and rape your wife instead?"
"NO. I don't believe in that."
"Well damn, Johnathon. If you don't believe in raping your slaves and you don't believe in raping your wife, what kind of rape DO you believe in?"
"I don't believe in any kind of rape!"
"............WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!"

THE SHAME. If our forefathers could persecute us now, the entire country would be a charred mass of holy justice at this point, just like how their own forefathers from centuries past conducted the Crusades. ...What? That doesn't make any sense because it didn't happen? Fuck you, I saw it on Wikipedia.

Now in this day and age, I can understand how a Jeffersonian methodology might be frowned upon. Now that those women and darkies are roaming free and everybody's alright with it, there are a few people who are looking around going... "Us men are getting screwed, aren't we?" And we are. Men, we are getting screwed, and not in the pleasant way that involves a damp hole and a man's justice flogger. Who are the ones who lose the kids during the divorce settlement? The men. Who are the ones who can't flash an officer their dick while crying to get out of a ticket? The men. Who have to spend their hard-earned money to buy drinks to get the opposite sex wasted enough to take advantage of? The men. Who are the ones more frequently convicted of rape? The men. And that's not because men are more prone to raping people. Women are just more prone to being raped. IT'S THEIR DAMN FAULTS.

Before, things were simpler. In the yesteryears, you could be bastards to women and it'd be alright, and if a woman insulted a man it would be sexism and you'd be hung from the gallows. Now that women have rights, we're suffering from more than twice as much sexism in our Country, the argumentative bitches. Our country has seen a skyrocketed jump in sexual harassment suits and rape reports ever since that fateful day... uh... shit, I don't know. A long-ass time ago. BUT IT'S AN EPIDEMIC THAT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. FOUGHT FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS, AND I CAN FIGHT TO TAKE THEM AWAY AGAIN.

...Wait, he didn't? That was just Black rights? Well it just goes to show you that he was sexist, too.

This particularly offended me at school the other day when some irritating girl from my English class was following my friend and I around for whatever the fuck reason I don't know. Now I have a tendency to swear a lot. Like a drunken sailor who just stubbed his toe. While this girl was intruding on my friend and I, she said this.

"Uh would you mind not cursing so much? I just don't really like hearing those words, they offend me." Or something to that effect, I was doing my best to ignore her.
"Then you might as well leave." was all I said. This was a mistake. For one, it didn't drive the point home well enough. If you're going to follow people around and bother them, you're the excess baggage. If we ask you to do something, you do it. It's not the other way around. It's a motherfucking college campus and I'm twenty-one fucking years old. I am allowed to use adult words in a casual setting of adults where the general populace won't get offended.
Only a woman would really do this. When a woman is around, she expects some courtesy from men around her. You wouldn't see a man expecting this from a woman. You wouldn't see a man asking a group of women to clean up their language or discussion. Mainly because the rest of the men have probably already killed him in order to purge the gene pool.

So in order to really hit this point home next time I'm there, if she complains about my cursing, I'll stop. I won't use any swear words. Instead I'll borrow my friend's laptop, turn up the speakers and start singing Skin on Skin while doing pelvic thrusts in her direction.

And if a woman did that to me, I probably wouldn't stop her. There's another double standard for you.