It's a public service taking refuge in audacity.

I don't believe we've had a good discussion about rape recently, so let's change that. The idea for this discussion stemmed from a recent article that we'll discuss shortly, but let's get to the good bits. In this lecture, we'll be talking about many myths and implications surrounding the act of rape.

So kids, what exactly is rape? Well, rape is a lot like being forced to do something you just don't want to. Except in this case, it involves any sort of unwanted sexual contact. This isn't to be confused with molestation, which usually involves children, stepfathers or catholic priests. But if we were to bring up the Catholic religion in general regarding sex, we would talk about how the prudish behavior is a faux to hide the fact that they're all sex-crazed maniacs, especially catholic schoolchildren.

The sex was so good that it made me believe in Jesus.

But this involves unwanted sexual stimulation when you've hit puberty. Now it's rape. Wonderful, delicious and fantastic rape. But, there are some major misconceptions about rape and what defines it. The myths surrounding this horrific and strangely arousing act are abudant, so let's take a look.

#1 - It's Not Rape If They Enjoyed It

Not as uncommon as you'd think.

This is a perplexing definition that people seem to follow. Apparently the act of rape is no longer considered rape the moment the victim starts enjoying it, the filthy slut. Apparently rape is supposed to be a brutal, agonizing and horrific experience and somebody is incapable of depriving joy from it. Well, it largely is. BUT APPARENTLY IF THE VICTIM STARTS HAVING FUN AND JOINING ALONG, IT'S NO LONGER RAPE. This clearly isn't true.

Mostly.

We have something called Stockholm Syndrome to describe people who become attached to kidnappers because well, let's be honest; if they got kidnapped in the first place, they must've had pretty shitty parents. But see, notice in this context we're still calling the perpetrator a kidnapper. If the victim starts to enjoy the sex forced upon them, it might not make them a victim any longer, BUT THE PERPETRATOR IS STILL A RAPIST. Unless they ask first and the victim agrees, then it's just mindless sex with a kinky overtone to slut up the mood.

This reminds me of a similar incident in High School. I got the living hell beaten out of me in High School a lot. Now, when I start enjoying it and egging the antagonist on and tell him to hit me harder than my mother for once, he's still clearly an assailant even though I'm taking pleasure in it. IT MAKES SENSE, DOESN'T IT? You can be bumping uglies with somebody and they can be against it, so at that point in time, IT'S RAPE. RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE, YOU FILTHY RAPING RAPIST OF RAPING PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT RAPE BUT THEY GET RAPED ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU RAPED THEM YOU DISGUSTING RAPIST. THEY MIGHT ENJOY IT LATER BUT RIGHT NOW IN THAT MOMENT IT'S RAPE.

But that brings us to our next point...


#2 - Men Are Incapable Of Being Raped By Women

But viagra and a boot up the ass will.

A frequent myth is that since most rapists seem to be men and the victims tend to be women, that they themselves are incapable of being raped by women. First off, straight up bullshit. Men are capable of raping other men. Not going to use the Catholic Priest argument because that's straying into molestation and delicious little boys with their petite litt--wait what? Oh right, men being raped. In a dick-waving contest between men, it's only natural that one of those dicks are going to stray off eventually, and a dicking is going to occur like the Hawaiians intended. It doesn't make us gay, though; sometimes the only thing that will hurt more than a swift kick in the ass is a swift dick in the ass. IT'S REVENGE. WE AREN'T ENJOYING IT, IT'S JUST A WAY OF CAUSING IMMENSE PAIN. PUNCHING SOMEBODY IN THE FACE HURTS YOUR HAND, SO DICKING THEM IN THE ASS IS CAPABLE OF BEING EQUALLY UNPLEASANT.

But the crux of this myth is that women are incapable of raping men. This stems from the reaction that you can generally only rape a man with an erection, which clearly means he wants it. Right? RIGHT? Heh heh, NO. First off, we can discuss the implementation of tools. But tools are unpleasant to think about. And the man has an orifice that can be raped just like a woman does. And either way, there are things like aphrodisiacs, drugs, ropes, and a manner of other things to get a man's soldier to stand at attacking for the impending air invasion. And places like Russia would like to have a word with you.

And either way, it's a NATURAL REACTION. Granted wood could be scared off in a terrifying situation, under proper stimulation, men will get an erection whether they want to or not. Like morning wood, or those awkward puberty erections they get in the middle of Spanish class. Just because the body gets prepared for sex doesn't mean it isn't rape. Men probably can't bother to remember, but how many of them would probably end up getting a woman wet before going in? Probably more than we would expect, because nobody likes friction. BUT IT'S STILL RAPE, EVEN IF THE BODY IS READY FOR IT. YOUR MOUTH SAYS NO, BUT YOUR BODY SAYS YES? YOUR BODY IS CAUSE/REACT, IT CAN'T FUCKING THINK. FUCK YOUR BODY. NOT LITERALLY BUT FIGURATIVELY.


#3 - Get Date Raped? It's The Rapist's Fault/Not Saying No Means Yes

With people like this at the party, you're SURPRISED you got raped?

Camille Paglia wrote an article about date rape. This was a feminist who essentially told other women that if they got raped at a party... IT WAS THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT. WELL FUCK, ISN'T THAT A BREAK-THROUGH DISCOVERY? AND I'VE BEEN PREACHING THIS SHIT FOR YEARS, WHERE'S MY FANCY ARTICLE IN THE SAN FRANCISCO EXAMINER? So sex is a risk, and if you manage to get drunk and stupid and incoherent enough to pass out and have somebody defile you while you're dead to the world, it was YOUR FAULT. Nope, not the rapist, YOURS.

Well, she's right.

If you're going out to do something stupid and reckless and it bites you in the ass, you deserve it. Even if it's something as bad as date rape. Which I like to believe technically isn't rape. Granted you're not awake to say no, it's the same as falling asleep in the park and waking up not expecting to be mugged. Granted we have a felon at fault here, you've brought it upon yourself. No rational person would surround themselves with strangers expecting GOOD things to happen if they pass out drunk. Or your friends, if they're dicks. After the bag of marbles and the carrot in the ass, I began to realize "You know what? Maybe it's my problem."


#4 - Rape Is A Tool For Converting Sexuality

I don't call it rape; I call it problem-solving.

...Wait what. This stems from this article I read about keeping them gay boys out of the army, but allowing the dykes in because, who knows, maybe they'll go straight. How the hell would "straight male GIs get a fair shot at converting lesbians and bringing them into the mainstream?" Pamphlets? Tutoring? Asking what would Jesus do? Who knows, maybe it would make Lesbians second-guess their sexuality when they start hearing "Man, you know, those dicks are actually pretty awesome." Then they'd hear Francis agreeing, and he'd be promptly hauled off to be stoned to death.

Or, maybe, just maybe, IF THEY GET ENOUGH OF THEM UNWILLINGLY THROWN IN THEIR FACE AND FORCED INTO EVERY ORIFICE OF THEIRS LONG ENOUGH, MAYBE THEY'LL REALIZE HOW FUCKING GREAT COCKS ARE AND REALIZE THE FALLACY OF BEING MUFF-DRIVERS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Did we seriously just have a judge imply that being around these manly men often enough would lead them down the road to being straight? WHO JUST IMPLIED THAT BEING RAPED WOULD BE A GOOD THING? IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. Fuck, I wonder how many people actually believe this bullshit. This makes me wonder what goes on at those Christian Camps that turn men straight. What the fuck, it almost makes me want to sign up and tell them to turn me straight. Good lord, it would be an endless supply of pussy at my disposal. "HELLO? MINISTER, I DON'T BELIEVE I'M STRAIGHT ENOUGH YET. I THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO STAY AT CAMP FOR A FEW EXTRA WEEKS OR MONTHS. YES, MY INSURANCE COVERS IT." Damn, this is like legalized prostitution in bulk. It's as if Costco owned a Brothel. Fuck, I would pay for that.

Wait, where were we? Oh right, rape. REMEMBER KIDS, RAPE IS BAD. NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO DO SOME RESEARCH ON GAY CAMP.